Growing a raspberry in a lemon

Feeling like a chubster. Caught in the heaven that is eating a cake guilt free and the hell that is wanting to eat five.
I really don’t even want to eat but I’ve lost all self- control. I have no excuse. No sickness. No cravings. I have just always had an all or nothing relationship with food. Not literally nothing. But some good food management. Up and down, year after year, lose a stone, gain it back, lose half, gain it back again, lose half again. Yada yada yada. Which means my metabolism is buggered and it can be a challenge sometimes to lose weight, but lose it I do. Then put it on again gradually.

My belly has popped out at the top but I know it’s fat not baby. It’s only 9 weeks old, that would be one hell of a raspberry. I’ve only put on a pound. The scale of podge doesn’t match the weight. Plus I am now hugely conscious of it at work. Not because I think people think I’m pregnant but because I think they’re thinking… ‘Ooh look at her, she’s taken the high jump off the wagon hasn’t she?’ ‘She’s a danger to them biscuits’, ‘Quick, hide the bins, she’s got no shame!’… Amongst other things.

Maybe it’s related to the scare I had last week, this new devil may care attitude to eating. After a couple of lovely days camping in the Peak District with plenty of food but plenty of hiking to balance it out, it seems the 20 miles we walked in two days may have been a tad too much for me. I felt fine at the time, striding up the Heights of Abraham, proclaiming loudly that if women in Africa do a 10mile round trip to get water then surely there’s no physical reason as to why I shouldn’t continue.

Then the day after our return I experienced the same experience as I have had during my worst periods but i had no bleeding. Sickness, fever, toilet ‘difficulties’ of both extremes, sweats, shaking legs and it goes without saying, a painful uterus. I couldn’t leave the nice cool bathroom floor and then I’d be freezing cold. This was reasonably scary. The pain went with paracetamol but came back when they wore off. I got booked in for an early scan the following day and thankfully all was fine, the pain had gone and I was just left exhausted by the experience. Hubby was amazing as per.

One bean, in the womb, heart beating. Phew.
Which begs the question, if that’s what it takes to stretch my uterus to the size of a lemon, it’s better start limbering up!


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